This morning a strange incident happened to me. I got a call from a robot! Really. Not only did I get a call from him, I also struck up a conversation with him. The disturbing fact is that it took me at least 3-4 minutes to realize that.

This is how it works in case you get one. Your phone rings; you pick it up and say hello. That starts the robocaller, in my case, a female voice so melodic, so sweet, so sexy you won’t want to hang up on her even if you’re on the National Do Not Call Registry, and you have to be a fucking fool. not to be. The voice is almost perfect: it doesn’t recognize it as a robocall.

Sales calls irritate the hell out of me because callers know it’s against the law to call you if you’re on the record, but lately, for the last year or so, these idiots have been freely calling anyone. Please. One trick they use, and I don’t understand how, is to display a number on your caller ID which, if you call, gives you a message that the number is no longer in service. Someone told me that you can coordinate service with the phone company so that you have a phone that you can call but no one can call you using it.

If you are lucky, and if you politely inform them of your transgression, sometimes they are polite, in fact they will apologize and sincerely say, “Oh, I’m so sorry. I’ll remove your name from our call list right away.” That polite apology can happen about a third of the time. (Even then, you get the same phone call a few days later from the same company.)

The other two-thirds of violators angrily express to me their irritation at my bringing up the point about registration, and in language I cannot provide in this article, crude to the extreme, roundly and stridently cursing me for being so rude. like to interrupt your sales call! I, being me, return it and more before they hang up.

However, I once made this guy stay on the line and continue to insult me ​​in the most disgusting way, surprisingly all the time using the obscene language, even after I briefly reminded him that he was on the wrong person registry. to call. I was able, due to my many years in the Marine Corps, and having served a few months aboard US Navy ships, at least reply with equally profane words, some of which I had not used in years.

Finally, this intruder issued a continuous blue streak of profanity and then hung up. I think I may have been linked with him in vulgarity up to that point. However, that final outburst, for which I had no recourse due to his ending our dialogue so abruptly, may have given him bragging rights in his office (he spoke loudly enough that surely everyone heard our conversation, at least his ending). ). of that.) and run around the room getting high fives from everyone.

But back to my sweet little robocaller with the sexy voice. When I answered hello, there was a small pause. I guess Mrs. Robo Sexy was timing my speech. Then there’s Mrs. Robo Sexy calling my name, asking how I’m doing this morning, and asking if she’d be interested in a free gift.

(I bet if my voice were female, Ms. Robo Sexy would be programmed to say “Ms. Whoever.” But, if I were a woman, the marketing people would no doubt change the voice from the robocall to that of A man with a deep throat. Like Isaac Hayes. They’re that smart. Picture that, ladies. She’s half asleep and heading into the kitchen for that second cup of coffee when the phone rings. She picks it up and says, “Hello?” Suddenly the shaft theme comes through his earpiece, and shortly after, an Isaac Hayes-like voice begins speaking to him, asking how he is this morning and if he would like a gift. My guess? There would be an abrupt readjustment of that bikini underwear you’re wearing! Just say’…)

In my case, “she” didn’t give me a chance to answer yes or no as to whether or not she wanted a gift; she jumped into her sales pitch without hesitation. The little favor they asked of me was that if I would let them put up a little blue sign in my yard advertising their product, I would get the free security system, or whatever they were selling. I chuckled and told him I don’t have a yard of my own, I live in a condominium and own an undivided interest equal to 1/62 of the entire “yard”, or rather my owner does.

The computer program (Ms. Robo Sexy) detected the word condo right away and the tone changed. The programmers haven’t perfected the termination of the call too well because near the end, when I didn’t qualify for the giveaway, you could tell it was a pre-recorded call: there was a hint of the machine dialect you hear in science fiction. movies or TV shows about outer space when computers communicate in voice mode. Suddenly, Mrs. Robo Sexy was noticeably less sexy, considerably more interested in ending the call. The difference in the voice wasn’t too obvious, but it was noticeable that it was a recorded call computerized to handle any input given to it, that say-and-receive delay in such computer voice communications.

Based on my answers, the computer program had alternatives, maybe thousands of them, possibly millions, depending on how I answered Mrs. Robo Sexy’s questions. On the word “apartment,” she shifted the emphasis from her accepting a gift to a tactful ending of our conversation, politely, but quickly. The programmers were well aware that a condominium owner cannot post signs on association property, not even real estate signs in most cases. Her program reflected that.

I haven’t given you the full range of the dialogue, which was longer and more flowing, from Mrs. Robo Sexy’s perspective. It was a cleverly constructed sales pitch, except it wasn’t being pitched by a human salesperson. No matter. It was effective up to a point, and it took me a while to figure it out.

Now put yourself in my shoes. You were working on that second cup of coffee, which means you weren’t fully awake yet. Suddenly you realize you’ve been having a conversation with a robot for three or four minutes, answering questions, making declarative statements, being polite and, yes, enjoying the seductive, melodious siren voice of Mrs. Robo Sexy. in your ear Who wouldn’t, if he were a man? Now if that doesn’t make you feel silly, what does?

My question: Have we gone too far, or will computers/robots inevitably take over our lives one day? This experience makes me wonder if that day hasn’t already come!

The future will look futuristic just because we will try to make it look futuristic. ~Anonymous