Domestic violence survivors often believe they are the only victims in their divorce proceedings. And this belief adds to their victimization. While it is true that they are in fact victims of the partner they are divorcing, their partners may be victims of legal advice.

Some successful and lucrative divorce law practices consist of clients who are highly motivated to litigate. And an angry, retaliatory, controlling type of litigator is highly motivated to do everything possible to WIN, including protracted litigation and/or the threat of litigation ad nauseam.

Abuse as a victim of divorce lawyer

So this couple, the abuser and their divorce attorney, are ripe for another type of abusive relationship. We see them all the time. He may not recognize them, because he’s focused on his soon-to-be ex-partner as an empowered gunslinger with a loaded gun.

You see his* lawyer as his loaded gun, and you may not realize that your soon-to-be ex-partner is the victim of the gun he’s pointing at you. The weapon is most likely feeding the already existing poison within the perpetrator, more likely than encouraging his client to settle with you.

The opposing attorney is supporting the “my way, no way” mentality of the abuser and my way often leaves you homeless, penniless, and childless. Let’s face it, the abuser needs to save face, show his righteousness and stay in control at all costs. And the advice will help you do just that.

So when the abuser loses some steam, your lawyer will keep the fire going by reminding you how horrible life will be when you get such and such and he has to pay you whatever amount it is. You get the picture?

What breaks the cycle of legal abuse victimization?

Now, often this will be done until the abuser has turned himself on his head and squeezed every penny out of his pockets. The lawyer will then encourage the closure of what seemed to be a never-ending litigation.

The importance of you seeing this is that once you do, it will have an empowering effect on you. You will find that you are entangled in an abusive dynamic that is bigger than you and the abusive partner you long to have out of your life.

*My reference to the abuser in this scenario as a man only reflects publicized trends and does not imply that men are not victimized by their female partners.