What is common knowledge is that grandparents are vitally important in a child’s life; what is unusual is that sometimes the custodial parent “unreasonably” cuts them out of the child’s life.

It is time for grandparents to end this social injustice in the way children are treated like property and the role of grandparents is no longer honored and respected. Children can’t speak for themselves, so someone has to. No voice no choice as the saying goes. Children cannot choose whom to love and their feelings are not taken into account when ties are broken, which could be considered a form of emotional abuse.

It is up to the grandparents to figure out how to stay connected with the grandchildren so that the child reaps the benefits of a long and prosperous relationship.

Grandparents may need to take responsibility for preventing problems before they arise, but also for correcting the mistakes that have created the denial of visitation.

Sometimes grandparents need to be educated on exactly what they can do to correct the mistakes that threaten the grandparent-grandchild relationship. The first lesson can be a hard pill to swallow because it involves changing your behavior rather than expecting parents to change theirs.

When grandparents remain focused on their primary purpose, which is to keep the grandchild in their life, the changes will come about with perhaps a little less internal conflict than the change often creates. It won’t be easy, but the things that matter never are.

Here are some helpful guidelines for grandparents who don’t know which way to turn.

• Change your behavior, not theirs. The only way to achieve a different result is to change your own behavior.
• Assume the position of ‘you and me’ instead of ‘you or me’. It’s much easier to come to terms with someone when you’re on the same side.
• Learn to get along to get along. Presenting yourself as nice, rather than pushy and domineering, makes life so much easier for everyone.
• Recognize the red flags. Pay attention to subtle behaviors, like excuses, that have the potential to escalate.
• Take steps to reconnect. Don’t sit idly by and do nothing if you find yourself suddenly estranged from your grandchild.
• Remain neutral and non-threatening. Do not give advice and keep your opinions to yourself.
• Eliminate all expectations. Parents are busy and so are the kids, don’t expect them to fit into your schedule, instead be thankful for the time they give you.
• Don’t take things personally. When others attack, it really has nothing to do with us.
• Take preventive measures. Respect parental boundaries and follow their rules, which can deter problems before they escalate.
• Focus on being happy instead of being right. You will be much happier staying connected with your grandchild if you lose the need to always be right.

Grandparents should always take the least adversarial approach when seeking solutions and should always put the best interests of the child first.