A Pro-Domme, also called a Dominatrix or Mistress, is a professional who engages in BDSM activity with clients. These clients assume the submissive (or “bottom”) role during a session. Typical activities they engage in may include: dominance and submission (D/s), sadomasochism (S&M), fetish play, bondage, and discipline. While BDSM activities are highly charged both emotionally and sexually, sex is not included in the services of a Pro-Domme.

Many customers present themselves to a prospective Mistress in an unfavorable light, resulting in them not being given that precious opportunity to serve. Sometimes clients can find a Pro-Domme who will session with them, only to find that the so-called “Dominatrix” is either inexperienced or lacking in skills. As the saying goes, “a good Domme is hard to find”. This difficulty in finding a Mistress often occurs due to the submissive’s naivety or because they possess a “dive bar attitude”. However, by following six simple steps when approaching a Pro-Domme, it is highly unlikely that a prospective client will not have the opportunity to serve a professional.

What is a “dive bar attitude”?

Many potential clients show up to a Pro-Domme inappropriately because they possess what I have termed a “dive bar attitude.” When a person goes to a club, he does it with certain expectations. They expect to be served. They hope to quench their thirst. They hope to get drunk without paying a lot of money. They hope that apart from their payment, they will not be required to provide anything to the owner. This is the WRONG ATTITUDE when approaching a Pro-Domme.

Think of approaching a potential Mistress as having more in common than going out to a hot new club. There is some legwork that needs to be done to prepare (such as making a reservation or learning what the dress code entails). The establishment wants a certain type of clientele because the clientele of the club is a reflection of the club. And because so many people want to experience the club, the owner can be picky about who gets in. Once inside the club, the main expectation of the visitor is simply to experience the club. The goal is not cheap binge. Instead, it’s experiencing the full atmosphere of the club, savoring the experience itself, and enjoying expertly prepared drinks. What you are after is a premium experience and it is not a bargain price.

Knowing this, how should a client tailor their approach to a potential Mistress?

As a wise person once said, “You never get a second chance to make a first impression.” Many potential clients approach Pro-Dommes. Many of these men fall victim to the Mistress delete button. Since many of those who reach out to us are time wasters who consider us masturbation fodder, we have no choice but to dismiss emails from those who display insensitivity or a lack of social awareness. If you present yourself correctly in that first communication (presumably an email), you will stand out from the crowd and please the Domme.

So, considering the exclusive nature of sitting with the best Pro-Dommes, and knowing that you must make the best possible impression to earn the opportunity to service a Mistress, what protocol should a future sub follow?

Step 1: Do your research

Chances are, you found Mistress through her website, so give it a read! Read every word; not just perverted in the photos of her. Her website is a reflection of who she is. She will tell you her interests, her likes and dislikes, and (most importantly) how she likes things done. She is basically a virtual version of herself. It is her domain. I repeat, read every word.

Step 2: Exhibit self-awareness and honesty

Someone who is self-aware is a good customer. He knows what he wants and knows what he is capable of offering. There is a big difference between fantasy and reality. It might be a good fantasy to imagine life as my 24/7 slave, a slave who will do anything I say without question. But please don’t waste my time with your fantasy unless you really: 1) really want that, and 2) can provide it. If you have a day job as a lawyer, CFO, or engineer, I don’t think you’ll be leaving it anytime soon. Don’t waste my time with your masturbatory fantasy. Just keep it to yourself, please. What I would like to know is what you can really offer me. If what you can offer is a client who would like to have a session with me every two weeks… maybe because you enjoy water sports in the background (feel free to insert your favorite fetish here) but don’t have a woman in your life let it be on it, THEN SAY THAT! That kind of communication shows self-awareness and, well, it’s honest. Honesty makes a lover happy.

Step 3: Don’t be creepy

No, of course you’re not creepy, not in your normal life. You are normal. You have a normal job, a normal family, normal friends, and normal hobbies and interests. Chances are, you even have a pretty normal sex life. Please do not take this opportunity while communicating with a Pro-Domme to suddenly become some strange incarnation of yourself. Don’t be a troll and please don’t harass Mistress. Approach her like you would any business professional.

Step 4: Be respectful

Go to the Pro-Domme how you want to be treated. Some Mistresses want to be called Mistresses or Goddesses or another title. Other Mistresses prefer NOT to be treated that way by strangers. If you have read through the Mistress’s website, chances are she has specified how she would like to be addressed.

Send a photo if the Mistress asked you to, but don’t send graphically sexual photos. If she wants them, she’ll ask for them when she’s ready to receive them.

Step 5: Start building a connection

Don’t pay empty compliments. Most Dominatrices have an extremely good lie meter. Show her that you are interested in her specifically. What is it that attracted you to her? Start sharing some personal information about yourself as well: a physical description, race, location, marital status, whether you have a car (that can be important when considering underservants, especially). Also, be sure to include the times you are most available for sessions and, of course, your contact information.

Step 6: Introduce yourself favorably

In your email, do your best, but also be yourself, the most respectful version of yourself. Each Mistress will have personal preferences regarding the type of sub she likes to play with the most. You can’t be who you’re not, so be who you are. Don’t crawl and don’t beg. This usually makes most Dominatrix want to throw up. Try to approach her as a man with respect for himself and respect for all women.

Conclusion

By following the six steps above when approaching a Pro-Domme, you will show the Mistress that you are sincere, respectful, and would make a nice and interesting submissive. She will discover that she will increase her success rate with the most desired Pro-Dommes. You will also find that those first sessions with her new Mistress will be even more enjoyable for both of you.