No one escapes the physical and emotional pain of a major loss; it is an inherent part of life itself. However, most of those who mourn the death of a loved one engage in a variety of activities that increase pain and suffering. Why? Because a lot of what you learn about death and pain from the culture you live in is rubbish.

If you want to exponentially increase the pain of your great loss, here are seven tips to help you on your quest.

1. Be determined to be strong and “go it alone.” You’re tough. You don’t need a shoulder to lean on. You also don’t need anyone to bounce decisions off of to adjust to your life without the deceased. Rude individualism must reign. Forget about the fact that you have every right to seek help from friends, loved ones, and even professionals. Stay away from those you trust and never seek the advice of those who have faced similar losses.

2. Try to keep getting it out of your mind. People in mourning are constantly told to keep busy. The mourner interprets the way in which they are encouraged to do this by friends, and sometimes by counselors, does everything possible to keep the thought of the loved one and the circumstances of death out of their thoughts. This is an impossible task. Coping with pain by talking and crying periodically, for as long as it takes (weeks, months, or years), should be avoided at all costs. You cannot afford to accept the reality of the loss.

3. Think about what you should have done in hindsight. Guilt is one of the most common emotions that accumulates an incalculable amount of pain in a sufferer. Keep thinking about “if only I had” and “should have done” as much as possible and your pain will linger and you will continue to live in the past. Of course you don’t want to go ahead and go through this dark night of the soul. Let the neurotic guilt continue to spread and contaminate your thoughts.

4. Choose not to smile or laugh because you are always supposed to be sad. Always listen to those negative thoughts. If you have a moment of pain relief and feel some pain relief, continue to believe that you are degrading the memory of your loved one. You know that he / she would want you to be sad every minute of the day for at least a year. Make sure to decline all offers to eat out or join a social gathering because it breaks the “I must always be sad” taboo. Last but not least, at the end of the day, never focus on the little comforts and joy that unexpectedly came into your life on that particular day. Discard them as totally irrelevant.

5. Keep your anger alive and bright as you think about it, tell anyone who will listen why you are angry, and make a firm commitment that you will never forgive. Yes, you know that your anger greatly affects your energy. However, while forgiving the source of anger is the greatest freedom you can give yourself, holding on to that inner anger will ensure that you constantly feel tired and irritable. Guaranteed.

6. Never join a grief support group as they are only for weak people and there is too much good information you would learn from the facilitator. Remember, you don’t want to be around other people who are hurting, nor do you want to find a grieving partner. This would help you to make a dent in the cycle of loneliness and you will have the opportunity to speak with other people who understand what you are going through. Heaven forbid you find new friends you can call on the phone when nights get so hard to deal with. And you certainly don’t want to laugh a lot, which surprisingly often happens in these meetings.

7. Do your best not to express emotions, especially crying, as those around you will think that you have no inner strength and that they are taking the easy path. Although each person has an inherent need to respond to the feelings generated by the death of a loved one, you will show everyone that you can bury feelings of guilt, confusion, and anger within yourself. It doesn’t matter that you get depressed because of this action because you can also deal with that scourge by isolating yourself in your house or apartment.

You will have to work hard to perfect these seven skills. You can turn and feel more miserable than any other mourner you’ve ever met, if you remain committed to excluding the world and everyone who loves you.